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- you have ever used lard in bed.
- you own more than 3 shirts with cut-off sleeves.
- you have ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
- you consider a six-pack of beer and a bug zapper quality entertainment.
- your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
- someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
- your mother does not remove the Marlboro Light from her lips before
telling the state trooper to kiss her ass.
- the primary color of your car is Bondo.
- directions to your house include "Turn off the paved road."
- your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
- you owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
- you ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.
- Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people.
- your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
- you see no need to stop at a rest stop because you have an empty
milk jug in the car.
- you have a rag for a gas cap.
- the dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
- you have a hefty bag where the passenger side window of your car
should be.
- you have ever bar-b-qued Spam on the grill.
- you've ever had to scratch your sister's name out of the message
"For a good time call _______."
- your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
- Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.
- you bought a VCR because wrestling comes on while you're at work.
- your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade.
- you view the next family reunion as a chance to meet girls.
- your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
- you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
- your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
- your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
- you have ever started a petition to have the national anthem changed
to "Free Bird."
- you call the boss "dude."
- you think Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
- you consider your license plate personalized because your father
made it.
- you have ever been fired from a construction job because of your
appearance.
- you need one more hole punched in your card before you get a freebie
at the House of Tattoos.
- your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening
on the lube rack.
- you get an estimate from the barber before he cuts your hair.
- after making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
- anyone in your family has ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
- your family tree is a straight line.
- you own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
- you've ever worn a cowboy hat to church.
- you have a picture of Willie Nelson or Johnny Cash over the fireplace.
- you still have an 8-track tape player in your car.
- you have sunglasses that are mirrored on the inside.
- your idea of safe sex is a padded headboard.
- you think BMW are the call letters for a radio station.
- you own a belt buckle that weighs more than 3 pounds.
- you've ever been to a funeral where there were more pickup trucks
than cars.
- your all-time favorite movie is Cannonball Run.
- you have any relatives named Elmer or Jed.
- you have a family reunion by watching America's Most Wanted..
- they have to notify next of kin by visiting the state pen.
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