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Fourth of July


Permalink 02:40:09 am, by joseph Email , 655 words   English (US)
Categories: Fun

Fourth of July

***This is just a rant folks, from a long time Oregonian living in Southern California who often times misses the comforts afforded to those living in Oregon.***

Today is July 4th. The date that many American’s look forward to every year. That one time when, most Americans get to let off some steam by setting off fireworks. I say most only because down here in California they don’t allow fireworks. Gay marriages and texting on your cell phone while driving are legal, heck even shooting whales from a moving vehicle (provided you are not shooting them with a firecracker) is legal.

Follow up:

It sucks. Plain and simple. The first year I was down here I went with my aunt and parents to Mexico and had a wonderful time down there. Pretty much everything in Mexico is legal there, but you should be forewarned that the quality of the fireworks are not regulated so you do have some risk of your fireworks not doing what you think they should be doing. The same goes for the quality of the gas they sell at the pumps, but that is a whole other story.

What I find odd down here in southern California, which is vastly different than Oregon, is there are no firework booths. In Oregon, come early June you see fireworks booths sprout up on practically every street corner. They sprout up overnight- much like a Starbucks location. Of course, even in Oregon, your selections is a bit limited to some nifty sparklers, smokes bombs and spewing volcano’s that whistle so loud they ring in your ears for the next week. So for the true enthusiast, an annual trip to the city of White Swan on the Yakama Indian reservation in Washington was a much needed pilgrimage. No holds barred there. Roman candles, Black Cats, Red Rats, heck even M-80 and dynamite could be found and purchased there.

Getting back to my rant on no fireworks on the 4th. I suppose that living down here, we do get a lot of fires started by fireworks. But I want to clear up this misconception. The fires are not started by fireworks, they are started by pyromaniacs, idiots and cow pie eating nimrods. Saying that fires are started by fireworks is like saying guns kill people. Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.

Unfortunately, down here, we have an over abundance of numbnuts and meadow muffin eating wankers, not to mention this being the mecca for village idiots to spend their summer vacations, So I guess I can understand the concern for locals not wanting their million dollar homes torched up.

In a quick view of videos on youtube, there are endless videos of people showing you how not to play with fireworks. Of course the titles don’t say “how not to play with fireworks”. The titles generally are more inclined to say something like “redneck fireworks”, “a funny thing happened to Bubba on the 4th” or “the reason why the fire department had to come and rescue a tailess cat from a tree”.

As luck would have it these folks have ruined the fun for the rest of us and now we, in southern California, have lost out on one of the most beloved traditions on one of the most adored holiday.

So tonight, in order to squeeze out some enjoyment over kicking the British out of country, I am relegated to taking my boys over to an over packed Olympic Training Center to watch a 5 minute production put on by evil dictators and fascists or, as the wifely person calls them, the Homeowners Association.

Happy Fourth of July everyone and I will do my best to enjoy what little freedom I still have.

…WTF, no sparklers, that womps!

***follow up. I was in error about the fireworks lasting 5 minutes. This year the Home Owners Association went all out and gave us an enhanced version which lasted 9 minutes.***

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